I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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