can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize