is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
