I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
