I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I am puke
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
