we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
