I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
