Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
