I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
