I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
