My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
