Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
