I didn't shave. On purpose
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
