I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
