I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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