I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
