you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
