Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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