we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize