Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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