I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Randomize
