I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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