I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
