Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
