good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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