ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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