I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
