Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
