Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Randomize