Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
