Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
