if i can run in heels then i can drive
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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