i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm both gender and math confused
i black out too much to be "responsible"
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize