Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Randomize
