Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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