He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
