Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
