Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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