I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
