If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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