I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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