just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
