I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
