ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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