We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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