it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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