I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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