I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
