im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
