hotel room ftw
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize