I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
