I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize