There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
