Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
