I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
