3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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