Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
