I wanna bring you to show and tell
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
