Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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