is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
