and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
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