just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
