I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
