Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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