We're facebook friends in real life
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
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