Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
