Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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