you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
