why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
