there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
