No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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